Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
