Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
