Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
