I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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