I accidentally had phone sex last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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