I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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