we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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