sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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