Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
