You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
