You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
