in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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