his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
