I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
