I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
