i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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