oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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