I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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