you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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