This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
