My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
