I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
