Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We are two peas in an std pod
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
