I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
