you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
