Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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