none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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