I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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