Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
