I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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