Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
