I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
