worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
