im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
