Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
