I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
