i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
