had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
