Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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