well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
