this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize