What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
