Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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