And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
