Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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