I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
