Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
