Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
