i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
