Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
