What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
