No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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