You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
