He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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