You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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