You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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