When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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