Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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