I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just had sex bonerless
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
