I look better un-naked...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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