You're so nebulous sometimes
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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