help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
