You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
