dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
