I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
