It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
