As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize